For the last three weeks, I’ve felt like I was trapped in poor woman’s version of “Eat Pray Love.” For those who have read the book or seen the movie, all will be clear. For those who haven’t, bear with me a little while, you will get the point. No, I was not in Italy, drowning in pasta sauce. I was not finding my spirituality in India. I most definitely did not have hot love affair with Javier Bardem. Well, except the imaginary one. Does that count? It probably doesn’t. I was stuck on an island in the Adriatic Sea, in a monastery, with two nuns and no TV.
I accepted the challenge of three-week-long vacation with my aunt and her fellow nun because their health status and old age don’t allow them to go anywhere alone. Of course, I did it for completely selfish reasons. I figured this is a big sacrifice and The Big Guy Upstairs will remember this next time I ask him for a winning lottery ticket.
So, like I said, eat, pray, love. I basically ate and prayed all day, and I re-discovered deep intimate love for my laptop, who was my faithful companion during those days.
I’m a foodie in the heart (and body), and I am known for my abnormal appetite and the ability to eat obnoxious amounts of food, but my nuns ate like there will be no tomorrow. Or like there will be tomorrow but there will be no food. Or like there will be food but they won’t have their teeth anymore, which is the most probable scenario.
You would think that nuns take a break from praying while on vacation. Oh no, they don’t. In fact, they have even more time for holy activities. It is safe to say I’ve never heard or pronounced that much Hail Marys in my whole life. Before breakfast, after breakfast, before lunch, after lunch, before a slice of bread with butter in the afternoon. You get the picture. Not everything was bad or boring. There were some Monty Python-esque moments I will remember forever. Like the one when my aunt wanted to tune the radio to find her favorite Catholic station and stopped at the wrong one that had Katy Perry screaming, “I kissed a girl and I liked it.” Priceless.
I’m on board with spiritual renewal, but if I didn’t have my laptop with me I would definitely go a little crazy. To keep myself normal or at least cuckoo with balance, I dived right into my favorite vacation activity – roaming around random gossip sites. There’s nothing like a little catching up on Lindsay Lohan madness after early morning Sunday mass. Yes, I really love gossip and with Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes divorce (or Scientology/Catholic Church divorce?) I had more than enough material for my research. I stumbled upon this incredibly interesting collection of articles about Scientology in The Village Voice. If you love mysteries, conspiracy theories and investigative journalism you will absolutely love this. Dig into the craziness that is Church Of Scientology and introduce yourself to superpower that is mighty Xenu. This is top quality entertainment, at moments even a circus!
I suggest you don’t dabble into Xenu stuff too much because I’m sure he can wash your brain out through the monitor, but if you ever find yourself on and island with a bunch of nuns, Scientology will definitely save you.
The article was originally written in English.
Photo: Joe Shlabotnik
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