Nature gave us a uterus and society gave us scary roles to play. Being a wife or a mother is a big challenge, and we’re babbling about it because we want to be prepared if we’re ever faced with it. We like to play it safe so when we bring up the topic of marriage, we’re not asking you to immediately hand us over your sperm and place it in our egg cell; we just want to know if you are as worried about it as we are.

Make sure you:

Never compare us to your mother

Boys, please, pretty please, never. “This is how my mom does it” is a sentence that gives us a stroke. We know she is amazing and in your mind does everything better than us. The truth is, she probably only does it differently and you are used to her routine. Explaining how your mother does something is acceptable only if you really have a clueless girlfriend who doesn’t know how to boil an egg or turn on a washing machine.

Never leave your dirty underwear outside the laundry basket

Even Commitment Junkie will flinch at the very sight of it and wonder what she did wrong to deserve such punishment. Phobic will catapult you to outer space or introduce you to her fist. Rationalist will take the underwear, put it on a plate and serve it to you for dinner.

Check out other women when we are NOT around

We know you like looking at other women even when you’re deeply committed to your girlfriends. We understand this is “a guy thing” and feel free to do it when we’re not with you. That is a minimum of respect we demand from you. If you’re brave and think you can handle it, suggest your girlfriend a joint check-out session where both of you can comment on other women and men. Good luck getting out of this one without feeling insecure.

Never, under any circumstances, should you doubt any of the following:

Existence of PMS

It is real, very real, and it comes in a lot of variations. Don’t play with it. Don’t tell us we’re using it as excuse to act like a b****. Don’t think you can relate to it. Have you every peed blood for 5 days in a row while your testicles pulsed in pain with every move you made? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Our hormonal nature

We hate to admit it, but we are hormonal beings. It hurts our ego to admit that something as silly as a rush of hormones can cause a momentary lapse of reason and take control over our actions. That is how our body works and it often plays a trick on our mind, hence the PMS. We are often unaware of our irrational moments, so just bear with us, quietly.

Sanctity of the chocolate

Chocolate is what we turn to when even our best friends can’t understand us. That rarely happens (the incapability to understand), but this is why chocolate sometimes ranks above you on the list of our favorite things.

Our best friends

Don’t. Even. Try.

The article was originally written in English.
Photo: Stefan Grifthaler
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