We all seek love. We make our stupid relationships public when they should be kept private. We post photos on social networks which in a few years will resemble the images that Digitalb used to broadcast after midnight. We make every detail public, even where we will spend the night on Valentine’s Day. But when it comes to homosexual love, which naturally occurs in our European Kosovo too, we all play dumb. Often when homosexuality is mentioned, we are prone to acting the biggest dummies on earth. We don’t think homosexuality is about two creatures who may be in love, we look at them like puppets who pass the time having sex with each other.

I’m more than certain that 90% of males get excited when they see two women kissing, while they are disgusted if two men do the same thing. If they’re asked why they have this perception, your inquiry goes down the drain when their funny and completely ridiculous imagination relates two women kissing to a sex scene where two females are front and center. This is the reason why a man would kill two men who may have feelings for each other and might touch each other, while he would take these two girls who are also part of the LGBT community into his bed.

I’ve heard that we don’t accept homosexuality because it pollutes our race and our manhood. Homosexuality has nothing to do with manhood. Great men have often been gay. Great leaders too. You’re not less of a man if you’re gay, but you’ll be more of a man if your mind moves past the pool games, the gossip and the endless drinks, as well as the conversations in which the words used to describe gays are the same as those we would use for people who might have killed a relative of ours. We would commit murderous actions in both cases, without the luxury of thinking positively for five minutes about this part of the population.

Why do we deny homosexuality? I would like to know the answer of every Kosovar. Each Kosovar that strips all sensibility from another human being, that forces him or her to live a reality that might be bitter for him too. That makes freedom impossible for him or her, that creates a paradigm of anger. Prejudices, useless conversations with an intelligence quotient of zero, naivety and blindness plus a medieval backwardness that is supposedly typically masculine. I don’t know how someone can think of taking someone else’s life only because their sexual orientation is considered scandalous in a society as backward as this one. Homosexuality and being in love with a person of the same sex are considered “a pity and a sin.” It’s a pity if you love?

Compare Kosovar homosexuality with the state you are in when you are ready to vomit, but you contain yourself until the last possible moment. Their daily lives might be like this, filled with insults and horrors as if they are guilty for being that way, but internalizing within themselves the ironic laughs filled with intentions to shorten their life. This happens if it’s understood that you’re gay, which here may also result in isolation, depression and loss of life. We are beasts when we close our eyes to the deceptions that happen right in front of us but not when it comes to “wrong” love. I’ve come to understand that we will never have love because we deny it to others. We’re bringing up our kids in such a way that each generation should hate even more than now.

As a teenager, others believed that I was gay, thus I write with the anger and the five-minute thought of what it would be like to be gay. Our social barbarism has passed the limit. The idea of feeling patriotic and manly has become pervasive. You’ve beaten your women, and to appear even manlier you should get rid of all gays.

It’s enough if we don’t treat them the same way we treat every other person that doesn’t resemble us: with indifference, insults and sarcastic swearing that’s typical, cruel, and beastly. We need the feeling of love; we shouldn’t deny it to others. It’s not easy when you’re different.

The article was originally written in Albanian.

Illustration: Cult Boys, Toyin Ibidapo

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