What, we’re not desirable anymore? Our reputation as the most annoying type of Balkan women caught up with us. We are too loud, too critical, too verbal, complicated, opinionated, possessive, clingy, neurotic, arrogant, hard to handle, equipped with a short fuse and bad temper, convinced we’re special and god-given. Oh, wait, I just described all my sisters across the region. Lately, we added another trait to our long list. According to a little survey I did among few of my male friends, women became too independent.

They've become so independent that they dare to do what was considered unthinkable only 20 years ago. They approach men first. They are direct. And the most shocking thing when they directly approach them - their only intention is not to marry them and breed their children. The ancient game of predator and prey experienced a sudden change of rules and our boys are completely confused. Ladies, once upon a time we used to be a challenge and now we are easily accessible. Believe it or not, according to our alpha males, we are also less interesting. Apparently, they like to woo us. They like when we acknowledge their effort but not if we do it too fast or often. The role of the predator is theirs, ours is to keep their interest by playing hard to get. Or something like that, I got lost listening to these theories.

Sometimes, when they approach men, women don’t even want a relationship. Brace yourselves, some women choose to be single. Here comes a chauvinistic comment from my male friend: “The ones who choose to be single are either ugly or fat, probably both.” Newsflash for those who agree with this statement, singles are not ugly, fat, dumb, bad dating material. Sometimes singles make a conscious choice to focus on themselves. Somewhere between watching Disney cartoons and channeling our inner Annie Hall, we decided being a domestic goddess is just not enough for us. We got the opportunity to do what our grandmothers and mothers couldn’t. We started to work and provide for ourselves, and we realized we are allowed to create our own life before we join forces with a man.

We got a chance to make our own purpose in life and not follow the path of tradition, and we will be better wives, mothers and partners because of that. Of course, chasing your career and fulfilling your dreams comes with a price. Often you find yourself alone.

In case you were wondering what this loud, opinionated, neurotic Balkan girl did on February 14th here’s a short and honest summary. I will not pretend I pulled out pom-poms, got my cheer on and celebrated my single status. This Valentine’s Day was glazed with a thin layer of desperation. Completely different from my teen days when all paper tissues within the radius of a thousand miles wanted to commit suicide, rather than to soak up rivers of sadness coming from my eyes. I have matured.

First I convinced myself that mentally I am a perfect specimen of a female. Physically, there’s room for improvement but nothing my friend Max Factor and long beauty sleep can’t fix. On the other hand, why fix anything? My inner beauty is my strongest suit and I shall be cherished for what my brain can do, not what my body shows. I watched “An Officer and a Gentleman” and shed a little tear when Joe Cocker crooned out that love lifts us up where we belong with his raspy voice. There was only one pathetic and low moment. During one of my imaginary hypoglycemic crisis (a nice way to explain late night overeating) I viciously asked my mom if I could open a box of chocolates she bought for someone else. “Mom, it is Valentine’s Day and I’m single. I deserve this box.” She gave me the chocolates and a sarcastic touché reply to go with it: “Yes, I can see you’re not well today.” 

The article was originally written in English.

Illustration: Michael Ostermann

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