Yes, the quarter-life crisis actually exists. It shouldn’t be confused or compared with a mid-life crisis because buying a Porsche is not an option when you’re jobless, moneyless and in your late 20’s.

If you recognized yourself in any of the above , or if you have been sitting at home for the past few months (or years) re-evaluating every choice you ever made, your hand should be up in the air.

3 months ago I graduated from college. After seventeen years of pure torture (aka the educational system) I decided that I’ve had enough of books, papers, exams, teachers, professors and I will not continue  my education. Cue to my advisor at the unemployment office: “Oh, so you WON’T do a Masters???”

After 17 years I lost my identity, I was no longer a student. A label I loved so much. A label that provided comfort for such a long time and a label that was the greatest excuse of all time. I couldn’t even adjust to this because society has already slapped me with a new one, the one I will have to carry for the rest of my life. Now I’m officially a grown up. Whatever that means.

Adult. A mean little word that just reeks of responsibility, and apparently, when you are an adult you have to take full responsibility for all your actions and decisions. Makes you want to frown with discomfort and say: “Sorry, I can’t do that, I have to study.”

Coincidence or not, for the past 3 months (last exam being a starting point) I have been updating my medical chart. My body obviously agrees with my brain and rebels every time I’m faced with inevitable changes. A serious lack of strength forced me to take months of bed rest, and bed rest is not good for people who tend to over-think.

Being temporarily deprived of normal everyday life puts things into perspective. Or takes them out of perspective, I can’t really make up my mind on this one. After I mentally collected all my mistakes and bad decisions, neatly placed them in imaginary box and saw them all in one place, I was forced to ask the most dreaded question of all: “How did I get myself in this situation?”

How come I’m not where I thought I would be? Where did I go wrong? Why is this life the complete opposite of the life I imagined for myself? Why did I waste years running away from my goals instead of reaching out for them?

Now I’m (supposedly) all grown up, torn between what I have to do and what I want to do, afraid that if I keep doing what I have to do I’ll forget what I really want to do. Is there enough time left to make a productive change? Or is this it?

At moments like this, I wish life was a computer. Rethink. Refresh. Restart.

The article was originally written in English.  
Photo Credit: Tran Nguyen
 
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